[RP] Haunted

Aasha tossed and turned, too much going through her mind for her to rest properly. Arthur's death, her feelings for Lars, the upcoming war. It was all too much, her mind wasn't all that stable to begin with and it was getting worse. She was already seeing shadows, and she wasn't sure who it was, or why. She wasn't even sure if it was just one person...a longing to be held by Lars, a desire to talk to Arthur and get advice...she knew nothing, and it haunted her dreaming and awake now. The dream was more a nightmare than anything else, flashbacks of her failures over the years played out in vivid color behind her eyelids. Her losses, Athorgate disappearing, Pillow with him. Aimar's death so long ago in Shrewsbury. Donnor walking out, Obli vanishing without a trace, Tod disappearing then reappearing and acting like it was no big deal. Yet the worst was Arthur, his body having never washed ashore, the knowledge that she could have been the one who sunk him always in the back of her mind. The upcoming war would put her in the same position, guilt ate at her. She could injure or kill so many she cared about...Tasite, Wolfen...her cannon fire could have sunk Arthur. The one person that got past every one of her defenses to see the vulnerable girl underneath, and he was gone...just as her parents were.

The nightmare turned, it was her ship firing on the wolves, sinking their transport, Arthur reaching out from the watery depths of the ocean. And it changed again, Lars blaming her, walking away. The vulnerability she had allowed herself with him thrown back in her face. Tears, unknown and unwanted, ran down the sleeping girl's face, in reality and her dream world. Mocking her, haunting her. Arthur's voice coming back from their first meeting. - The shame is not my doing, I am not the one who left his wife and daughter for... for...your new toy. I told you he would bore of you, not tomorrow or the next day, but he did. Just as I said. And when will Lars? Why would you think a toy would be anything other than that, something to played with and discarded? -The words he had said to her, and even to Donnor, twisted in her mind. - You have no sense of morality or loyalty.. unless it serves your purpose. - Did she? She was loyal to family, and yet was going to be fighting against them, and not for the first time. She continued to toss within the blankets, twisting herself up, whimpering in her sleep.

- You are right I have no heart… He said it himself girl, and yet you believed differently? How naive you are, and why? For love? Who is truly going to love you? No one, you are fooling yourself.  -  The mocking laughter was the worst, echoing in her mind, reminding her more of Donnor's maniacal laugh than any noise she'd heard Arthur utter, and yet the face it was coming out of was his. She woke then, feeling trapped by the covers, hopelessly tangled so her arms were by her side instead of free. She blinked, eyes slowly coming into focus, the sides of the tent, the glow from the nearby campfire doing nothing to dispel the gloom. And yet, from the corner of her eyes, there was still a shadow, one that seemed to take on the form of Arthur, her brother and father figure wrapped into one, rejecting her as thoroughly waking as he had in her dreams. Tears were running in earnest, unchecked and unnoticed, even now. Why did ya leave? Wha' did I do to des'rve this? They a'ways leave...ya a'ways leave me 'lone. And there was the crux of it, she was alone. Alone when she didn't want to be, not really. Alone and it was her fault.

Aasha scrubbed her face with the back of her hand, did her best to untangle herself so that at least her hands were free, grabbed a dagger for security, and rolled away from the opening of the tent, letting sleep take her again. What difference would it make, if awake or asleep she was still seeing ghosts? And she dozed off again...fitful sleep continued.

She was listless the next day, volunteering for guard duty just to have something to concentrate on. Making sure no more than fatigue showed on her face. They had worked with her before, and knew even tired she would be fine to guard, she had never let them down and wouldn't start now. And she wouldn't show how weak she felt, nor how off balance. It was a juggling act for her, juggling fatigue, shadows, fear...the same juggling act she had been doing for almost all of her life. Every time she had relaxed and believed something good might happen in her life, she'd been hurt. Why would this time be any different? She wasn't sure, but knew she wasn't going to give up just because things might not work out. She was trying hard to convince herself this would be different, if only because it felt so much realer than anything had in her entire life. It felt right, even if she felt weak she knew he was strong enough to protect her. But would he be able to protect her from herself? And what if the ghosts haunting her were real? What then? Would he know how to help her? Would anyone? Memories from her past were at the forefront of her mind now, refusing to let her push them back to the recessed where she normally buried them; - You're weak, useless! Just as I always told you! Stupid idiot! - How much of that was true? Was she weak? She felt it...useless? No, she wasn't useless, she was good at fighting, even if she wasn't very good at being a woman. And he made her feel strong, even at that part. The laughter sounded then, the same from her dreams. And yet she was on guard duty, and there was no one in sight. She made the rounds of the camp, searching and seeing shadows where there were none, Arthur's laughter dodging her footsteps even then.

She wasn't sure how she had made it through another day and kept it together, let alone the last few. She was seeing shadows and ghosts everywhere, not only of Lars, which was creepy enough when she was trying so hard to NOT think of him, but of Arthur, who she knew was gone. Even if she didn't want to admit it. And the fact that Arthur's ghost was mocking her the entire time was worse, he was one who had accepted her despite her misgivings. Why was it in death he was being cruel, and throwing things back at her that she hadn't thought of in years? Aasha was bone weary, and mentally exhausted when she finally lay back on her pallet. Causing her to drift into sleep much more quickly than she imagined she would. Even her thoughts couldn't keep her awake, instead plaguing her in her dreams and nightmares. And they were all the same, snapshots of times past, each one more disturbing than the last, all of them twisted to their most evil intent. Even her cousin Thomas had been in her dreams, kicking her again, making her feel worthless. And they continued, though her eyes did not open. She had been waking with tear tracks on her face, and this night was no different. All of the pain and fear she kept bottled deep inside released as she slept, yet never seeming to wash away, just getting worse and worse. Logically, she knew she needed to talk to someone, but there was no one here she felt she could trust with that much vulnerability...the one she thought she might be able to talk to wasn't here, the other dead. And would it do any good when they were both haunting her day and night?

Aasha had no clue, the girl just continued to toss upon her blankets, wrapping herself more and more firmly in them, trapped inside the nightmares, and outside within her covers. The only consolation she would have when waking is that the whimpering wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear, for no one would brave her wrath enough to get close to her tent, especially not when she was sleeping.

- He was kicking her, causing more and more internal damage, until she felt the loss of life like it was her own. The bairn passed from this world before ever being seen, the girl lay broken on the ground. Thomas stood over her, laughing. Calling her useless, stupid. Ignorant. Telling her bluntly exactly how little she was cared about, how no one could or would love her. Not truly, not deeply. Not forever. And he was right...

You are right I have no heart… Maniacal laughter could be heard, Donnor's echoed around the room. Oh I forgot, I am not allowed to speak, interact, or even know any other females. Sorry everyone. And he walked away, Bella's laughter floating behind him as she followed.

You were his toy, just as I said so long ago. How long had it taken before he left for greener pastures? For a real woman rather than a toy? How long Aasha, before he left you crying and on your own? He wasn't the first to leave, he won't be the last. And we both know it. How long girl? You weren't woman enough for him, for Tod, for Obli. For anyone. Hell, you weren't even lady enough for Aimar, all he did was want to change you and be your friend, and he barely wanted to admit you were that. Why do you think that was? Athorgate left, and he was only a friend, almost a brother. He left and took Pillow with him. Pillow never came back did he? And he never will. Arthur mocked from a corner, a ghost of a shadow that wasn't going to leave her alone.

Alone girl, you are now and will be again. It is your destiny. Thomas laughed and laughed, another ghost to haunt her dreams.

The kicking resumed...never ending pain. She shut them all out, feeling the pain, reveling in it because it was a feeling that she understood. -

The girl thrashed and got nowhere, the blankets tighter than any hug, and yet she still did not wake. Tortured beyond indurance, but only through dreams. Reality was but an illusion right now, whimpers never counted. No one heard, no one would. Only in her own mind.

The dream twisted again, the scene changed, becoming even more disturbing. Aasha moaned in protest, the only outward sign of what was happening in the nightmares, other than her restlessness, the blanket twisting even tighter around her body.

- It was dark, the sound of swords clashing rang out through the clearing. There were bodies everywhere, some Irish, some Scottish, and some English. Bruised and bloody, broken and bleeding, dead and alive. Swords clashed again. The coppery smell of blood filled her nostrils, her arms ached. She looked down and cried out in anguish. Arthur lay at her feet, her dagger through his heart, her sword dripping blood onto his face.

You did it girl, exactly what I knew you would. Loyalty, bah. You have no sense of morality or loyalty.. unless it serves your purpose. And it did not serve your purpose this time did it? You destroy everything you touch, everyone who comes into contact with you.

The dead man's mouth twisted into a grimace, his laughter ringing out louder than the sword play that still surrounded her.

She looked down again, beside him lay Lars. Killed by her own negligence, because she had dragged him into this with her.

As I said you ignorant twit, you destroy everyone who comes into contact with you. He will kill you for this. You know he will. He will turn you away just as I should have when Donnor discarded you. Go to England and meet your fate, death is too good for you. You will suffer girl. Knowing you caused his death, knowing you caused mine. You, who would fight against family. This is all on you.

She fell to her knees, burying her face into his broken bloody chest. No longer hearing the beat of his heart, no warmth to be found. Cold, black, empty, alone. -

- There was confetti everywhere, little tabs of pink paper covered the floor, the bed, the rug. The walls were draped in pink material, the ceiling and floor were painted a bright pink. Pink on pink, on more pink. With a dash, no a drop, no a smattering of red. Aasha was led deeper into the room, no windows, no doors. No escape. The brightly decorated room hurt her eyes and her head, the trail of red drew her eyes. She followed the shadow and the spatters, further and further. They were getting bigger, the droplets turning into splotches, the splotches turning into puddles. Sticky, coppery...the smell was distinctive, but whose blood? And then body parts appeared, first a finger, then a hand, an arm, a leg...all dropped almost casually in the ocean of pink. The hand waved as she passed, the maniacal laughter echoing in the strange room. The pink disappeared, all color evaporated. Then there was only a body, no more blood, no more body parts. The body lay broken, her dagger pointing towards it in accusation.

Ya big oaf, why didna ya stay away? I am bad fer ya...was bad fer ya...

Tears dripped from her cheeks to her chin to her chest. Red tinged her vision, tears turning into blood.

Worthless bitch, you should have left him alone. You aren't ever going to be good enough for anyone. Whore, giving yourself outside of marriage, turning your back on your family. You will be haunted by this the rest of your life.

He was gone, and she was alone in a dark room. There was no escape from the guilt, no relief from the pain. -

Aasha woke, trembling and in tears. His name a whisper of sound tumbling breathlessly from her lips. She wouldn't do it again. No more sleep. At least when she was awake all she saw was the ghost and heard the words and laughter. She didn't see him dead when she was awake...she couldn't handle seeing him dead again. She would find a way to stay awake, she had to, for her own sanity.

Staying awake was hard, much more difficult than she imagined. Walking the perimeter of the camp only made her weary, it did nothing to help her stay awake. But she was determined, every time she closed her eyes, the nightmares got worse. And she just couldn't handle seeing Arthur or Lars dead again. Bad enough Arthur was gone, she wouldn't lose Lars...not even in her dreams. Aasha tried pinching herself, it didn't help. The pain wasn't focused enough for her to stay awake, it was only an irritation. And the shadows kept closing in, the daydreams almost as bad as the nightmares, but at least no one was dead in them. She had gotten used to being called stupid years ago, so that she could handle. She could even handle being blamed for other's deaths, and told she would lose him in the end, just not the dead part. So awake was better. After a couple of days of no sleep, she finally found a way to focus at least briefly, to wake her body enough to keep her from dozing off. But she didn't want anyone to know how badly she slipped, so when she got too tired, she found a way to be alone. The hole wasn't too deep yet, and she kept stabbing in the same area on her thigh, so it was easily wrapped and hidden in the folds of her skirt. Not enough blood loss to make her dizzy, but just enough pain to keep her sharp. She just wished she didn't feel so alone...

Why? Why was this happening to her now? Why of all people she had lost, was Arthur the one who was haunting her? The one person who had come to accept her without limitations, without expecting anything more than what little she could give, and he was the one mocking her now? Aasha looked over, knowing she would see him there, knowing she would hear the laughter that just wasn't in his makeup, yet was coming from his mouth. She was here, specifically to take revenge for what England did to him, to try and pay him back the best way she knew how, so why? Aasha looked around the tent, her eyes fixating on nothing and everything all at once. And then they fixed on the corner, Arthur's shadow, she just knew he was there, even if she couldn't see him right now. She was alone, no one was near her tent, just as she liked it. So she spoke, softly, barely a sound, but enough that she was saying anything outside of her dreams. Why Arthur? Wha' did I do to ya tha' yer torturin' me? Is it cuz I coulda been the one wha' killed ya? I...I nae know wha' to do. I miss ya...I miss Lars. I...maybe I ain't supposed to be gettin' close to anyone. Is tha' why? Is ya tryin' to tell me to get 'way 'fore I hurt som'one else? I ain't felt like this 'fore, nae for nobody. An' I ken nae turn it off. I tried, jus' to see if'n it'd be easier, bu' I ken nae turn it off. I think 'bout 'im all the time. Wha' is wrong wit' me? Wha' do I do?

She was crying, and talking to a ghost...or maybe to herself. Either way, Aasha was losing it, and she had no idea how to fix herself. She knew she needed to pull herself together, the last thing she needed was to go into a war and not be able to focus, it had disaster and even death written all over it, but she was lost. Aasha closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself as she sank to the floor of the tent, wrapping herself tight just as she used to when her cousin beat her, trying to will her spirit into the safe corner she used to find. Only to cry harder when she couldn't find even that little bit of peace. Deep silent crying, the type that could find no comfort because there was none to be had.

She forced herself up, knowing she needed to make one last round of the camp, searching for shadows again even though she already had enough chasing her. Splashing her face with water to hide the tears, though the red puffy eyes might give it away.

Aasha made her way around the camp, then back to her tent and froze, looking down at the dagger she could have sworn she had left with him. Bending, she picked it up and scanned the area one last time, then went inside the tent. How had it gotten here without him? Surely he wouldn't let it go...was it a sign that he was here? No, he would have found her by now.

The dagger rested in the palm of her hand, her fingers tracing the hilt. He had to be here, this was the one she'd left in the room. Then why hadn't she seen him? Was she that tired? Had she stayed awake too long already? Sleeping was bad, nightmares plagued her then.

Aasha went back to the tent opening and looked out into the night...where was he? Willing her sleep deprived mind to focus, her addled senses to pick up something she had to have missed.

Nothing, there was nothing there...the dagger only triggered confusion. Was the ghost playing tricks on her now? Trying to see if she would break? Hadn't she already broken enough? Aasha closed the tent flap and went to the corner, laying in the fetal position on her pallet, holding the dagger tightly. Stay awake girl, she mumbled to herself, yer losin' it. Ain't noth'... but she couldn't finish, the tears were back and she was too tired to fight them. Torture me then ya damn ghost, may as well. Ya ken nae hurt me worse'n I'm a'ready hurtin'...

Aasha looked up from the corner, panicked. It was bad enough she had been hearing her stupid cousin and even Arthur, now she was hearing Lars too? All she saw was a moving shadow, coming around the tent and to the opening. She tightened her hands into fists, the dagger held tightly as she looked towards the tent flap. Ya had to carry me...I couldna walk right... she whispered to the apparition, moving the dagger to the spot on her thigh she'd been using to help stay awake. She had to be dreaming...sometimes they started good before they turned bad, and she wanted to wake before that happened. Ya needs to stay 'way, she murmured. Afraid to believe he was real, and even more scared that she would do exactly as every one of the ghosts in her nightmares had said, and would hurt him in then end, or worse yet, cause his death. The dagger hovered over her thigh while she scrambled to find the courage to stab into her flesh, wanting to wake almost as badly as she wanted to enjoy the few moments before the dream changed. Lars...she breathed, soaking up the sight of him alive and well. Tears streamed faster, a vise tightening around her heart. Aasha bit her lip and broke eye contact, instead focusing on the dagger as she began to bring it down. I need to wake, she mumbled to herself. Dun do this to me...I ken nae see 'im dead 'gain, I jus' ken nae see tha'...

He  frowns as he reaches out and takes the dagger from her hand while looking at her leg and the damage she has done to herself, the tears that flowed from her eyes. Gods she was a wreck and he felt torn apart by her pain.Lass, ya nae be needing ta do that. I'm here now. I'm here. He tosses the dagger aside as he crawled closer to her on his knees so he can fold her into his arms and hold her tight. Tears fill his eyes from feeling her own pain it was so strong. He kisses her head and quietly speaks to her. Come my luv, im here. I'll protect ya lass, ya need nae worry, I'm here, let it out luv. He spoke softly as he holds her and slowly rocks her some. She had needed him and he was to late to help her, all because he wanted to be sure he could enter the camp and go to her. The spies he caught and tied up that still lied were forgotten for now, all that mattered to him was her and her pain.

She stiffened as the dagger left her hand, trying to figure out how an apparition was able to pluck it from her fingers so easily. Weren't they supposed to be unformed? Unable to do physical harm? Bad enough they were torturing her dreams, but now they could actually cause her pain? Aasha looked up, just in time to watch him come closer, on his knees no less. What ghost got down to their knees? She lost it then, feeling his arms go around her, hearing his voice in her ear. She was afraid to let go of herself, even to put her arms around him...afraid that as soon as she believed it was really him he would disappear, or worse, she would see him dead in her arms. Am I dreamin' 'gain? Tears flowed faster, her whole body shuddering from the force of the outpouring of emotions. Ya was dead an' gone in my dreams...he's laughin' a' me. I dun know wha' to do no more. I ain't...ain't meant to lo... her voice broke, eyes closing tight as she continued to cry. Her hands slowly unclenching to wrap around his body tight. Dream or nae, she wasn't going to let go and face reality until she had to. Screw the shadows, she needed this right now...had needed him for a long time. Longer than even she knew.

It slowly began to sink in. This was not a dream, he felt too real beneath her hands, his lips on hers way more than a brush of wind or imagination. And who ever heard of a ghost that felt this solid? Aasha continued to cry, unable to help herself, until she lay limp and drained in his arms. Moving one arm to bring her hand around, tracing his face with her fingertips. Lars, yer really 'ere. She looked around the tent, shivering when she looked into the area that the ghosts lingered in the most, just to bring her eyes back to his. I dreamed ya was dead. Sitting up a little bit, she kissed him passionately, as much as in reassurance that he was real as it was from desire. Her eyes looked bruised, the lack of sleep evident in her face when she pulled back to look at him again. She had to tell him that she wasn't good for him, that he was better off without her, but she couldn't find the strength. Not when he felt so good, not when she wanted him in her life so badly. Aasha bit her lip, then lowered her eyes, struggling to say what she knew she should. Finally, she gathered the courage to get out; I will nae be the cause o' yer death. I ken nae be...I ken nae bear tha'.

He takes her by the chin to lift her eyes to his as he scowled at her, After all these years of wanting and waiting fer ya, ya not be telling me ta leave ya. Ya not going ta be my death, that I can promise ya lass. I'm nae going anywhere 'less it be with ya so live with that instead luv. He gives her a swat on her ass, playfully but yet still conveying through it that she won't be getting rid of him easy or tell him what to do. Then he holds he tight to him, kissing her hard and passionately, lovingly. I come all this way, and ya be wanting to send me away? Well, I nae be going unless ya be at my side and that is how it will be for now on lass. Us together, through good 'n bad. Ya be my woman and I be yer man. He holds her tight, the time spent apart was almost unbearable and he swore to himself that they would not be apart like that again. Lass, I cannae leave ya again, I love you. I have since the first I saw ya lass, and ya boob only made it better. There, he said it, he has wanted to tell her for so long how he has loved her but has stood quietly aside and tried to be there for her through everything, and everyone she has been with since he has known her. I love you lass and I have since we first met and I stood by ya the entire time through it all, so, I nae going anywhere now.

She'd not even gotten the words out, and he had gleaned her meaning, just by her talking of his death. Aasha looked him in the eyes, her own swimming with the tears she had shed. Ya nae unn'rstand... She returned the kiss, desperation showing through. I nae wan' ya to leave, I jus' ken nae see... Aasha stopped, shocked at his next words, swallowing the elation she felt deep inside, followed quickly by fear and panic. She couldn't believe he said he loved her, and the look on his face told her he really meant it. Both hands moved then, cupping his face. Her own serious. I nae want to hurt ya Lars, nae now, nae ev'r. Ev'ryone wha' gets close to me gets hurt o' dies. An' I nae think I'd be goin' on if'n ya wasna alive. Som'thin' ain't rights wit' me. I ken nae close my eyes wit'out seein' 'em, an' they is all mean. They is all tellin' me I'm nae meant to love anyone...o' have anyone be lovin' me. I'd rath'r love ya an' see ya live, then watch ya die fer me. I dun care if'n they haunt me, I will nae let 'em gets to ya.

Aasha lowered her lashes, trying to breathe through the lump in her throat. She couldn't move away, even if she had wanted to. And she didn't want to, she wanted to stay right where she was forever. She just wasn't sure she could do that if it meant losing him in the end. It ain't safe to be lovin' me, yer nae supposed to...I will only hurt ya, ken ya nae see tha'? Dun matt'r if'n I love ya o' nae, I'll hurt ya. She took a deep breath, then whispered; I saw ya brok'n an' bloody, an' I was the cause. He laughed at me, tol' me I wasna worth it. An' he be right, yer worth lots mor'n me. I nae know how to let ya go, I nae ev'n know how to be lovin' ya rights. Bu' I do know how to see ya live, an' I want tha' mor'n anythin'...I...I...I love ya too much...my life ain't worth yers. She hadn't given herself a chance to think about what she'd said, it had just come out. And that scared her worse than anything else, not that she had let her guard down enough to love him, not even that she'd said the words. But that it would only hurt him in the end, that it didn't really mean anything when she honestly had no idea how to love him properly.

I nae think ya will be in my way. I know ya ken take care o' yerself, bu' there be things 'ere tha' I nae unn'rstand. I ain't takin nothin back. Nae sure it be good fer me to be feelin' nothin', let alone how deep I feel fer ya...tha' nae mean I'd be takin' it back. Aasha sighed, laying her head on his chest, feeling more weary than she had ever felt in her life. And it wasn't just the lack of sleep. She didn't know how to explain anything she had seen or dreamed.

Startled by his talk of marriage, she met his eyes, stiffening in his arms. . Marr'd? Ummm...stick wit' ya is fine. I nae need nor want marr'ge. Tis a good way to end yer love. Aasha watched him wave his hands and knew he wasn't mocking her. He believed her, which allowed her to relax slightly. Arthur's been 'ere Lars. An' others...ghosts wha' says I ken nae be loved. I nae know why they is 'ere now. I jus' ain't sure I ken put ya inna sit'ation where ya is fightin' wit' folk ya care 'bout. I nae ev'n know if'n I ken. I jus' know I will nae be losin' ya now tha' I fin'lly found ya.

Aasha looked up, wanting to see his face as she spoke. I wasna lady 'nuff, then woman 'nuff. I ain't ev'r felt so much and nae get why I ain't scared. I trust ya lad...maybe tha' be why. I been alone fer a long time. My da lef' me wit' my uncle when I was a wee lass. Folk been leavin' me ev'r since. I know ya will nae by choice...bu' death be diff'rent. Ya ken NAE die on me Lars.

Surprisingly enough, his words worked, bring a hiccuping giggle through her tears. Aasha sat up a bit straighter, looking at his arms around her, studying the muscle play even the darkness couldn't hide. Then let her eyes run over the rest of his body, his chest and shoulders, broad and strong, his thighs beneath her buttocks, up to his face. The smile meaning even more than the words falling from his lips, the determination and love shining into her own. I'm sure I ken be movin' ya if'n I needs to. Ain't ya ev'r 'eard, the bigger they is, the hard'r they fall. An' if'n it be on top o' me, I ken roll ya off...ken ya know, jus' nae be wantin' to. She leaned forward, brushing her lips tenderly across his. Bloody hell Lars. Ghosts be damn, I ken nae do it, ev'n if'n Arthur was 'ere now tellin' me to. Ev'n... a sigh followed, lashes fluttering, then eyes closing. Ev'n if'n me da was to tell me to let ya go, I ken nae. Nae tha' ya w'uld be list'nin' to me nae how. I am tir'd, dun know how many days I ain't slept. Scar'd to be closin' my eyes too long. She moved her fingers to her thigh, hiding the wince when she rubbed the area she had been recently abusing so badly.

Only opening her eyes again when his lips met hers in a kiss so tender it made her heart ache. I'm glad to be stuck wit' ya, an' ya is wit' me. Jus'...tis bett'r fer me if'n I ken see ya. Nae be hidin' in shadows. Its proud I am to be standin' wit' ya, an' tellin' any wha' ask tha' yer mine an' I'm yers. We nae need marr'ge to be faithful, tis my vow to ya tha' I will be, an' t'will mean more wit'out the paper o' a false god sayin' tha' our love be true. Seen too many stand an' pledge a lie, mine isna a lie, an' tis a promise, nae a plegdge. Only one wha' needs to know wha' be in our hearts is us. Oth'rs will be seein' it, ev'ry time I'm lookin' a' ya, o' lookin' fer ya when ya is outta sight. She paused, letting her words sink into his mind as much as her own. It was a startling revelation, that she meant every word, and for once in her life was not afraid of the emotion...did not feel weakened by admitting it, but rather felt strengthened. Not in admitting it aloud, but knowing how true it was, and having the faith in him that he would not stray. He had waited three years, had seen her make mistake after mistake with others, yet was still willing to let all of that go and tell her of his love. Empowered, enriched. Her life could only be better with him in it...for as long as she was allowed to keep him. Though she did find it ironic that they were both normally so silent, and yet together they talked more than she could ever remember either of them talking to anyone.

And the silent promise she made was to herself, that she would not lose him due to her own cowardice, nor to any of her enemies. She would be making a change after this. She knew she should talk to him, tell him what was going through her mind, but she was too weary. Her spirit, so restless without him, so haunted while he was not near, was at peace, and her eyes were growing heavier with each utterance that fell from her lips. Aasha's hands cupped each side of his face, shifting on his lap until she was flush against him, pouring her love into a kiss, sealing both the spoken and unspoken vows she had made to and for him. Then whispering against his lips; Ya know wha' I be needin' now? Fer my man to be layin' wit' me fer the firs' time, hearin' yer heart beatin' unn'r my ear, lullin' me to sleep. An' to wake wit' yer arms 'round me. Nae fer ya to be watchin' ov'r me, bu' to be restin' wit' me. To know tha' when we 'wake, I'll know this ain't jus' the bes' dream I'd be havin' in a long time, bu' tha' yer really 'ere wit' me fer now an' a'ways. She wanted more than that, her body was making that painfully clear...but was afraid she would fall asleep before she was able to finish anything she might start now, and couldn't bear to disappoint him.

She sighed, her head resting above his heart after he shifted them both. Feeling tiny engulfed in his arms. Not in a bad way, the fragility was more over her emotions being all over the place. Closing her eyes, she let his heartbeat soothe her, relaxing fully for the first time in days. Everything they had said running through her mind, how much she had opened up, without effort. She shifted more comfortably over him, idly wondering if he really intended on her sleeping fully on top of him. Ya ken nae go anywhere anyhow, nae wit' me layin' on ya... She was halfway asleep by then, letting exhaustion claim her, when something he said earlier sank in. Aasha stiffened, her eyes opening wide, her body automatically trying to roll away. Wha' did ya mean, I nae had to look far? Ya been 'ere all 'long an' didna lets me know? I been lookin' fer ya, seein' shadows an' thinkin' it was ya an' nev'r saw an' ya did tha' to me on purpose? The hurt in her voice was evident, and as much as she wanted to close her eyes and pretend she never heard the words, she wanted to see his expression more.

He frowned at her and held her tighter from rolling away from him, keeping her tight to him. Your questioning me and what I had ta do lass? Would ya rather I come strolling in and have a couple dozen blades in me? Nae be telling me how I be need' ta see when it ba safe ta come ta ya or ya be holding a ghost now inst'd of me. Ya lot be as jumpy as a long tail cat in a room of rocking chairs lass. Nae, ya not be telling me ta come in and let ya lot to becoming all stabby with me like when we met first lass. He kisses her head, upset slightly but what she said but he did understand her being upset and all.Now, ya need ta rest lass and that be the straight of it. We can talk more of it if ya want but I be standing  my place on this. The two men I have tied up out in the woods can wait lass. They be English sent here ta spy on you lot, or send someone ta look fer them if ya want, they be next ta a third man what is dead. He wanted ta fight a bit more than needed when I heard he was gonna take this fool lass what kept walking around the edge all th time and never seemed ta sleep. He frowns at her with a bit of anger in his face but wouldn't let that stop him from being happy to have his love in his arms. Ah and there be another couple out there dead and stuffed in trees ta hide them too. So lass, I been busy watching after ya and this fleabag group ya be with.